


cats and bags (let them out of there)

by genesis_frog



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Canon Disabled Character, Enemies, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Instagram, M/M, Social Media, Tabloids, Talk Shows, Tumblr, Twitter, YouTube, warning: minor homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6887098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genesis_frog/pseuds/genesis_frog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Top 10 Celebrity Enemies by WatchMojo, uploaded October 12th 2015</p><p>"Number 4, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	cats and bags (let them out of there)

**Author's Note:**

> so I wrote this last year sometime?? and I just now found it wh.
> 
> small disclaimer!!! i do not own any of the urls or usernames in this story. i apologize if i accidentally stole someone's username/@/url because i dont think i checked if they existed already or not whoops
> 
> it's in the tags but I'll warn for it anyway: very minor homophobia and fetishization of gay people/relationships. but like i said, minor.
> 
> small explanation bc its not covered in-story: steve's most famous for his role as captain america, hence the cap-themed usernames. steve and bucky's hatred of each other inspired a fandom to spring up centered around them despite only being in 1 movie together. also, @coca-coul-a/@capsicoul is our dear coulson.
> 
> i think that's all. i hope you enjoy!

"So, Bucky, you're notorious for being very easy, you know, t-to get along with. But are there any other actors you don't get along with? Well, besides Steve Rogers, of course." Scattered laughter could be heard throughout the audience, and Jimmy Fallon himself cracked a smile upon hearing the audience's mirth.

"Ah, well you see, that's the thing," Bucky Barnes began with a slight wince. Fallon nodded encouragingly, shifting a little in his seat. "There isn't anybody, really, that I don't get along with besides Steve Rogers. I despise him."

"Despise?"

"Yeah, can't stand him." The smiled dropped off of Bucky's face, into a slight snarl. "He's just so freaking self-righteous, and he's so, so stubborn. He's so bullheaded.."

Fallon looked perplexed. "I've had him on my show before, and he's been perfectly nice to me both times. Why do you dislike him so much?"

"Do not trust him, Jimmy!" Bucky shot up out of his seat and grabbed Fallon's face with his one hand, his chin firmly in Bucky's palm. "He's an actor, James Fallon! Don't trust an actor!!! They lie!!"

The audience laughed, and Bucky sat back in his seat, leaving Fallon dazed behind his desk. Bucky continued, pointing for emphasis.

"Actors are terrible human beings, and you should not trust them. Least of all, Steve Stick-Up-The-Butt Rogers." He ended this with a slap, hand flat, on Fallon's desk.

 

* * *

 

 **Steve Rogers** @officialcap  
@RealBuckyBarnes sure had a lot to say about me today.

 **Steve Rogers** @officialcap  
@RealBuckyBarnes you're an actor too, you hypocrite. :^)

 

* * *

 

"It's not exactly on topic, I know, but I was wondering. Bucky Barnes appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon about a week ago, and he, as some have put it, 'talked smack' about you. And in response, you wrote these two tweets."

Two tweets appeared on the screen behind her, the ones Steve had written about Bucky, calling him a hypocrite, with a passive agressive smile at the end. Steve looked up and smiled joylessly, almost resigned.

"Yeah, I was pretty mad," he said simply. "I mean, he is an actor, too. Don't trust him, he's a liar and a bad person."

"A bad person?" Ellen DeGeneres echoed, leaning forward slightly, with a raised eyebrow. "He doesn't come off that way at all." Steve folded his fingers and rested his elbows on his knees, nodding stiffly.

"He did something, a long time ago," he drew out his words in thought. He looked sort of pained. "And he doesn't think that he did, but that thing he did, it was wrong. Barnes wronged me."

"What did he do?"

Steve smiled serenely. "No comment," he replied cheekily.

 

* * *

 

 **Bucky Barnes** @RealBuckyBarnes  
@officialcap WOW. LOW BLOW. DID YOU REALLY NEED TO BRING THAT UP.

 **Bucky Barnes** @RealBuckyBarnes  
@officialcap MUST I REMIND YOU OF THE ENTIRETY OF 2002.

 **Bucky Barnes** @RealBuckyBarnes  
@officialcap BECAUSE IF WE'RE AIRING OUT THE SKELETONS IM TALKIN ABT 2002

 **Bucky Barnes** @RealBuckyBarnes  
airing out the skeletons like. the skeletons in the closet.

 **Steve Rogers** @officialcap  
@RealBuckyBarnes we don't talk about 2002

 

* * *

 

**WHAT HAPPENED IN 2002? Possible Gay Hook-Up Between Notorious Celebrity Enemies?**

Celebrity rivals BUCKY BARNES and STEVE ROGERS took to Twitter to dish out shade last night! Well, Stevie threw his shade the week before-- our Bucky confronted him last night head-on, bringing up something that happened in 2002, maybe including the whole year. Stevie replied with "we don't talk about 2002". Talk about mysterious!

So far there's been no explanation as to what happened in 2002, but they were probably in a secret relationship that they kept hidden from everyone around them. I, for one, think that our two favorite superbabes in a relationship would be totally hot! Tell us what you think in the comments below.

View Comments...

 

* * *

 

caps-shield:

> ugh it's super gross how many people are leaping to the conclusion that steve and bucky were in a relationship. 1) thats none of ur business 2) thats none of our business 3) thats none of my business and 4) IF THEY WERE THEY PARTED ON CLEARLY BAD TERMS AND THEY PROBABLY WANT TO MOVE ON SO DONT KEEP SPECULATING

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #2002gate #im perfectly fine with them being gay #or bi or pan or at least NOT STRAIGHT #but thats not what bugs me #its that ppl are putting words in their mouths :/ #ON THAT NOTE CAN WE NOT FETISHIZE GAY RELATIONSHIPS THANKS

 

drunk-on-barnes:

> they aren't gay! stop it! stop it!! stop talking about this!!!

#STOP!!! #im so mad!

 

coca-coul-a:

> stucky-shippers-united:
> 
> steve is 31 and bucky is 32. steve would have been 18 and bucky would have been 19. does anyone catch my drift?  
>  (basically: skinny!steve and bucky. skinny!steve and bucky!!!)

actually i think it's more important that we focus on the fact that they were 18 and 19. they were KIDS. kids do stupid shit and involve themselves in unnecessary drama. as a kid who involved himself in unnecessary drama i really regret it (both because it was stupid and because it was pointless). whatever happened they aren't happy about it and actively try to not even bring up the YEAR. please don't just make this about stucky.

#i feel as if i should clarify #i ship it too but theyve never been this bad abt each other #and ive been their fan since like 2005 #ive seen the ups and downs of their relationship and this is by far the worst #how steve keeps vague-tweeting #and bucky keeps doing the angry twitter rants directed to no one in particular #im very concerned about them #and its been grating on me when people make light of the situation in favor of shipping #stucky for ts #2002gate for ts #drama for ts

 

Anonymous: ur a pos for liking stucky

stuck-y-on-you: thank u for the compliment anon. i feel very special, considering u took the time out of ur clearly very busy schedule to come to my inbox and leave me love letters. here is a special stucky doodle just for u <3

#hate // #stucky #stucky art #my art #what the shit anon #Anonymous #asks

 

* * *

 

"Top 10 Celebrity Enemies" by WatchMojo, uploaded October 12th 2015

"Number 4, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. Every time one of these two Hollywood stars so much as hears the other's name, they pull a face and can't find it in themselves to say a single nice thing about the other actor. The two met on the set of their first film, Fantastic Four, as minor characters, and right from the very beginning could not get along. They reportedly fought like cats and dogs offscreen, despite their onscreen chemistry. Since then, they haven't worked in a single movie together, though the drama hasn't stopped. Barnes and Rogers are currently locked in a passive-agressive, vagueposting war on Twitter with no end in sight. We doubt that these actors will ever stop feuding."

 

* * *

 

 **Jimmy Kimmel** @jimmykimmel  
Ask Bucky Barnes some questions, we're bored #AskBucky

 **< 3** @nik_nak  
#AskBucky what happened in 2002

 **CAPTAIN ROGER'S DAUGHTER** @_fangirl_  
#askbucky WHAT HAPPENED IN 2002 I NEED TO KNOW FOR SCIENCE

 **buckybabe** @tjhhs  
#askBucky what happened in 2002 bucky im concerned

 **FilmFan** @real_critic  
#AskBucky What happened in 2002?

 

* * *

 

"Bucky, it's been a pretty good night so far..." Bucky nodded, murmuring his agreement. "and you've answered a lot of good questions really well, so now, here's all the bad questions!"

Jimmy Kimmel almost gleefully handed over several sheets of paper. Bucky took a moment to look through them, having to set them on his lap, as he only had one hand to work with.

"These all just ask me what happened in 2002," he said, baffled. Kimmel grinned.

"Exactly!" he clarified. "So, Bucky, to help you tell us what happened in 2002, we've brought here with us, your worst enemy, Steve Rogers himself!"

The audience broke out into loud, excited cheers. Steve came through the curtain with a flourish, taking his seat beside Bucky with a smirk tossed his way. Bucky, on his part, looked a little bit angry and a lot a bit confused. He gave Steve an almost betrayed look, like Bucky ccouldn't believe Steve would agree to talk about their past. Steve flashed him a smug grin.

"So now that both parties involved are here together, what exactly happened in 2002?"

Bucky looked down at the ground, his right hand holding onto his knee tightly. He glanced up at Steve.

"Can I tell them?"

 

* * *

 

 **buckybabe** @tjhhs  
I'M FREAKING OUT RN!! THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED AT ALL

 **coca-coul-a** @capsicoul  
wait what. what's going on what's happening

 **coca-coul-a** @capsicoul  
NEVERMIND I FIGURED IT OUT AND IM FREAKING OUT

 **capsshield** @queerdefender  
hurry up and tell us already barnes oh my god,,

 **capsshield** @queerdefender  
UR MAKING THIS TOO DRAMATIC BARNES U HAVENT SAID ANYTHING YET

 

* * *

 

Steve looked conflicted, before he eventually nodded his consent.

"Yeah, Barnes. Tell the world what happened in 2002."

Barnes turned to Jimmy, his hand on his knee gripping so tightly his knuckles were white. He looked Kimmel in the eyes, and initiated a small staring contest. He then turned out to the audience, and initiated a staring context with a brown-haired young woman sitting in the front row, who laughed awkwardly a little bit in partial disbelief but didn't break his gaze. He then looked back to Steve, and then to Jimmy once more.

"2002 is the year we decided to fool the world into thinking we hated each other."

Steve slowly grinned as the audience sat in confusion. Some shouts of protest could be heard, while others were simply stunned. Kimmel's eyes widened, and he was genuinely surprised.

"I thought it was going to be, like, dumb kid drama," Kimmel said. "You know. 'I like skateboarding!' 'Dude that's my skateboard!' 'No, it's mine!' 'I hate you!' 'We're never speaking of this again!'"

Bucky laughed a little at that comment, but for the most part seemed to ignore it, still gauging each person's face carefully.

"Actually it was your idea," Steve commented plainly, as if he was ignoring the reactions going on around him.

Bucky lifted an eyebrow and the side of his mouth quirked up. Steve, meanwhile, tried to hold back laughter as Kimmel's face looked akin to a dying fish and the audience still chattered loudly.

"Can I, maybe, talk?" Steve said, loud enough to be heard over the audience, once he had quelled his giggles. They quieted down enough to listen.

"Thank you," he began. "We grew up together, and we both wanted to be actors, and on my 18th birthday, Bucky turned to me and he said something like 'if we ever become famous, let's fool them into thinking we hate each other, it'll be like the ultimate test of our skills'. I guess it worked too well?"

Bucky and Kimmel both broke out into laughter. "It's been a decade!" Kimmel choked out. "You fooled the entire world for ten years!"

"I told Jimmy Fallon not to trust actors," Bucky said with a shake of his head and a shrug.

"So then, what's your relationship really like? How do you evade the media, and paparazzi, and all that?"

"Well, a lot of separation, first of all," Steve said. Bucky nodded. "We don't get to see each other all that often, so when we do we try to make the most of it. It doesn't help that part of our 'thing' is that we don't work on movies together. Also, we have some very talented friends who do excellent work in the makeup and costume department, who have crafted excellent disguises in the past."

"And I also feel like I should say this: Steve is my best friend," Bucky added. "I mean, everything I said I hated about him is true, he absolutely is like that-- stubborn and self-righteous and a dick who harasses random strangers when they say shit he thinks is wrong, but I don't hate him because of it. Yeah, it's frustrating, but it's Steve, so what can I do."

 

* * *

 

 **capsshield** @queerdefender  
WHAT THE SHIT

 **buckybabe** @tjhhs  
oH MYGOD OH M YGOD,, ,

 **CAPTAIN ROGER'S DAUGHTER** @_fangirl_  
STUCKY IS C A N O N

 **american girl** @drunk_on_barnes  
um what happened? apparently smth happened on jimmy kimmel and im not watching

 **coca-coul-a** @capsicoul  
what a twist!

 **capsshield** @queerdefender  
@capsicoul I know right? jesus.

 

* * *

 

"Top 10 Celebrity Trolls" by WatchMojo, uploaded November 22nd 2015

"And our number one is Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. The two are childhood best friends, and decided at the tender age of eighteen to become famous and fool the world into believing they were anything but on good terms. The last thing they expected was the ruse to go so well. In 2005, they met professionally for the first time on the set of Fantastic Four, both as secondary characters, and they made sure to make a point of not getting along. Many people working on the movie, both actors and crewmates, could easily recall the two's spats afterward, and it quickly became apparent that they were not friends. Barnes and Rogers kept the faux feud up for a decade, but they eventually let the cat out of the bag on Jimmy Kimmel in 2015 when asked about some vague statements made on Twitter suggesting a past dating back to before Fantastic Four. Barnes revealed it was all a plot devised by himself, that they had been best friends since they were seven years old, and the bitter rivalry forged in the flames of Fantastic Four hadn't changed that at all. Those were our top picks. Do you agree..."

 

* * *

 

 **Bucky Barnes** @RealBuckyBarnes  
@officialcap hey man do u want to come over saturday

 **Steve Rogers** @officialcap  
@RealBuckyBarnes Yeah, sure. Make sure you have ice cream. Cookie dough or I riot

 

* * *

 

_[img: A selfie of Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers sitting on a couch. They're dressed casually; Steve has a pair of glasses on. The two have a blanket draped over their lap and two cartons of ice cream, open and half-eaten, between them.]_

**14,567 Likes**

**realbuckybarnes** when ur bae comes over and u have ice cream #BaeInThatWay #asinheismyboyfriend #wearedating #wekissforfun @officialcap

 **officialcap** bucky stop talking. just stop


End file.
